So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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