I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
