Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
