he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
