I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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