I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
