Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
