i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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