Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
