Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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