So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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