I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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