I wish I only lived at night.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
