i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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