but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
