we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
