you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
