remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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