I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
