When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just high enough for therapy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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