Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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