you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
