then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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