Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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