I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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