just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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