Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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