I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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