I smell stomach acid.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
