you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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