she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
