Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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