sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
