Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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