we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
