also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
