Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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