recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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