his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
