people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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