you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
