Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
