She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
