i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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