Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
