sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
