hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There r osticjed everywhere
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
