take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
