So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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