my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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