Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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