Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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