my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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