It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
