Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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