Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
