You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
