I'm drive I can fine osifer
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
