I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
