The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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