I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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