your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
