Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
