I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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