i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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