May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize