my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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