I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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