brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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