Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the day after is always just damage control
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
