I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
