I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
