This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
