I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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