She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
