I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
