hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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