youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we made out on top of his cat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
