Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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