My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
