At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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