dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
