You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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