She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
