On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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