That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My vagina is officially offended.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize