I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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