Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Randomize
