one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
