i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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