i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
