I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
