why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize