I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
