I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize