She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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