I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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