Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
