that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
