look no pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
