True but thats because hes a fetus.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
