Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
