why didn't you poke me back
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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