Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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