Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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