She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
