its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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