I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
God I need to hump something, right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
