I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
did i just pee glitter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize